The Run/Walk for the Kids at CHKD is only a few days away. I’m feeling a little bit nervous, a little bit disappointed in myself, and a little bit proud. I’m nervous for several reasons. First, because this is my first run ever. I have no idea what to expect. I’m not a ‘good’ runner. Someone is going to run me over. I just know it. The race is also in the morning, and I am Not a morning person. Plus, we still haven’t made our capes. I’ve had a vision for the capes in my head for weeks and weeks, but I just can’t seem to remember to make the darn thing! (See Image Below)
I’m feeling a little disappointed too. I’ve been training for months and I still can’t run a non-stop 8K. I technically had plenty of time to train. I had a really awesome app that eased into the running, but with about a week and a half to go, I’m still not able to complete 3 miles. I’m mad at myself. I’m not doing this run for me. I’m doing this run for Matthew. I’m doing it to say “thank you” to the doctors and nurses that worked so hard to save him. I’m doing it to let Matthew know that I see how hard he works and if he has to work hard, then Mommy is going to work hard right beside him. I’m doing it because I feel like it is what God wants me to do, as strange as that sounds. I’ve never felt driven to run before, but some part of me, something that I can’t explain, makes me feel like God wants me to do this. It’s my way of thanking Him for giving me a year with Matthew. If He can save my little boy, then the least I can do is run a few miles. And yet, here I am unable to fulfill my promise to God, to Matthew, or to myself. I’m determined, and also telling myself that it’s unlikely that 10 days is going to get me there.
However, that isn’t stopping me! I have 10 days to run. Every single day, my feet are going to hit the pavement (or treadmill). I am so proud of how far I’ve come. Never in my life have I been able to run for a full minute without feeling winded. When I started running, I hated every second. I had to will myself through each step, all the while telling myself “this was a stupid thing to promise. What was I thinking? I can’t do this! I hate running.” But as time went by, I started telling myself “It’s only 2 more minutes” and then “this is just the 10 minute wall. Push past it! Things are better on the other side!!” I took the advice of my sister-in-law and started praying my way through that wall. I’m a long-winded prayer, so I soon found that by the time I finished praying for all of my friends, I was well past the wall and approaching the 20 minute mark. My new wall is the 18 minute mark. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be able to say that. I Never, Ever thought that I would be able to run for 18 minutes. Even if I end up walking some of this race, I’m so proud of myself for getting this far. I’m also thankful for the support that my sisters have given and thankful to my sweet husband who has hounded me about running, and pushed me out the door when I didn’t want to go.. and when he didn’t want me to go. He’s sacrificed his practice times to make sure that I get to run. (And now is feeling a little discouraged himself)
So! Race day is quickly approaching. All of you super heroes who will be running with us, I hope you are ready and are considering making a cape to wear for the run. The image above is our design. Feel free to use it, or add to it, or do your own thing.. We are just thrilled to have you on Team Healing Matthew and to have you supporting us, by supporting “Matthew’s Hospital”. If you can’t run with us, can you be on our super hero team by praying for us during the run? It’s a new thing and a big challenge for both Rusty and I. We are going to need your prayers to get to the finish line!
Happy Training! We will see you on race day.