Sleeping Babies

Shortly after Erynn was born, I remember reading a friend’s Facebook post about how she sneaks into her child’s room at night and watches him sleep before she heads to bed. I also remember thinking that she was crazy. After the effort it took to put my kids to sleep, there was no way that I was going to risk waking them up  by opening their bedroom door. This was my written policy for many years. Kids in their room, door closed, me in mine.

Then we almost lost Matthew 4 times before his third birthday. It was that last time, though, that three week stay in Georgetown, that really changed things for me.

Now I sneak in their rooms every night. I smooth their hair out of their eyes, kiss their foreheads, adjust stuffed animals and favorite blankets so that they can be easily found should they wake in the night, and then I stand  in their doorway and pray ” Thank you, Lord for these precious babies. Thank you for trusting me with their care. Please help me to be the mom to them that they need and that you desire for me to be.”

I randomly snatch them up into big bear hugs or kiss them on their heads, pretty much all day long. I tell them “I love you.”, “I’m so proud of you”, “I like the way you…”, “Thank your for …”, “My sweet girl /My sweet boy”, but mostly lots and lots of random “Hey (child’s name)! I love you!” My goal is for them to never, ever doubt my love, even in their teen years 😉 More than that, though, Matthew has reminded me over and over (until I finally accepted the message) that none of us are guaranteed the next minute, never mind the next day. Should something happen to me, I want them to grow up remembering that their mom always hugged them and always told them how much she loved them. Should something happen to one of them, I want to live out my days knowing that every second of the time that I had with them was filled with love and that they never doubted for a second how much they mean to me.

So this weekend, while a lot of Moms are getting time away and spa treatments (not that these aren’t great, necessary things!), I am going to be happily following through on our family’s Mother’s Day tradition: doing whatever the kids want to do. I am going to soak up every second that I can with them, and then, once they are asleep, I am going to sneak into their rooms, kiss their foreheads, and thank God for another day with my babies. 

Because I can’t go to sleep unless I do. 

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